Thoughts from a 20-something stumbling through adulthood

Whole30, Day 0: Throwing out everything you know and love

You guys, I just threw out my mac and cheese, and it was just as bad as it sounds.This morning, in preparation for my Month Of Lindsey Cleanse (patent pending), I threw out all the Whole30 no-nos. (Before you go and get worried about how much food I wasted, I didn’t REALLY throw it out. I just put it in bags to take to my parents’ house for safe keeping.)

Here’s the thing: I knew in my HEAD that the Whole30 means no gluten, dairy, alcohol or sugar, but I didn’t realize just how MUCH food that would be.

  • My favorite peach tea? Gone. (All it contains is tea and soy lechitin, which is apparently, like everything else in this world, derived from sugar.)
  • Honey? Nope. It tastes too good and will make you want cheesecake (or something).
  • Soy sauce? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH.

As it stands now, I currently have three food items in my refrigerator: Celery (gone bad), half an onion (probably gone bad), and baking soda. This is where it started to hit me: Eating is going to be kind of hard… FOR A MONTH.

As I looked at all my food stacked up in reusable grocery bags (the bags I used to fill with wonderful things like cheese and carbs and MORE CHEESE), a tiny kernel of panic began to set in.So what did I do? Text mom. The answer is ALWAYS to text mom. (My brother was there too, but was less helpful in this situation.)

In case you’re wondering, I cannot keep my food in my parents’ basement, but only because they’re having the carpets re-done after a pipe leak. (Selfish!) So it will all probably end up in my brother’s bedroom. (Sorry Grant!)
BRB, gotta go spend my paycheck on artichokes and melons.